It goes without saying that we’ve all experienced being down on ourselves. Someone else comes around that is smarter, prettier, fitter, healthier, the list is never-ending. Let’s get one thing out there, there will always be someone better than you. It’s a hard pill to swallow especially when we’re younger. It can still be difficult as an adult, just less uncomfortable.
I am by no means perfect at this. I’m no stranger to berating myself for not being a certain way because “so and so was and why can’t I be more like her?” In fact, I’m sure it will never entirely go away. However, I am in control of my thoughts, my actions, and mindset. It’s one thing to act on those thoughts and another to let them pass by you.
I once heard that your brain has a million thoughts and ideas pass through it. Just because it passes through, doesn’t mean we have to engage with it. Just pretend it’s another car passing you. Nothing extraordinary.
There are many times in my life when I have been doubted myself. Some of those were self-inflicted and others were because I put too much weight on what someone else told me.
That’s the other thing, while you’re thinking you can’t do something, you are what someone else compares themselves to. I personally don’t want to be someone that makes others feel bad about their abilities, but we cannot control what people think of themselves and us, only what we think of ourselves.
So that’s what we focus on.
I am by no means an expert, but I am a very introspective, worrisome, anxious person who at many time in my life has put a lot of weight on what others thought of me to the point that it interfered with my own life. Introspective + worrisome + anxiousness = a terrible concoction of over-thinking and over-analyzing. I am the type of person who wants to please everyone and in turn upsets everyone including myself.
Throughout many life-altering experiences and interactions, I’m finally understanding that what others think of me is beyond my control and that it doesn’t matter. That’s their business, not mine.
So, we’ve covered that when thoughts pass us by, we don’t need to interact with them and that what people think of us isn’t any of our business.
You become your own cheerleader.
You come to terms that no one else is going to be your biggest fan aside from yourself. Yes, the important people in your life will support you because they care about you. The initiatives you pursue and passions you follow are most likely unique to you. You’re the only one who will have your special charisma for them.
Still having a hard time? Try these instead:
- Write your passions out. Hype yourself up for them! Think of the possibilities and innovate away…
- Your ideas aren’t the only thing that need hyping up, look yourself in the mirror (yes, it’s goofy, but yes, it helps) and tell yourself everything you love about yourself. Give your reflection a pep talk. Get inside your own head in a productive way.
- Try cheering someone else on. Giving complements in turn makes you feel positive and happy.
Scientists have found that being paid a compliment actually lights up the same parts of your brain that get activated when you get paid a monetary award.
- Journal out your feelings. Writing your feelings and emotions out can help your processing skills. You organize your thoughts and can reason through them much easier.
- Talk it through. If writing your feelings out isn’t your preferred method, talk to someone you trust who can give you genuine feedback.
- Podcasts or books, get it in your head. There are numerous podcasts and books out there that can help you see your own true potential. My two favorite podcasts are Happier with Gretchen Rubin and Rise Podcast by Rachel Hollis.
It’s still possible to praise yourself and cheer others on.
It’s easy to get caught up in our feelings and how WE’RE doing that we forget about others or trample over their passions.
It’s imperative to take a step back when you catch yourself doing this. It can be difficult to see it yourself, but continuing to be introspective of your own emotions can help with this.
As you tell, there’s a fine line between paying attention to our own emotions and letting them rule us. I believe this is something that comes with practice. Some are naturals at this and wow, what an amazing gift to be born level-headed!
We’re going through some tough times right now (a true understatement). However, I’ve seen a shift in how we’re thinking of others and truly encouraging those around us to be better. The world isn’t perfect yet, but neither are we. However, with practice, we can get close.
Have a great weekend, continue to be your best cheerleader, and bring out the same in others!